Just two days before Chase was rushed to the hospital and our lives changed forever, I remember asking her if she could wish for anything what would it be? She completely surprised me when she let me know that what she would wish for, would actually be a big brother! Jonah has since also reminded me, in fact continually-- that he is lonely without another boy/brother in our family, and that he wants one that is actually close to his age. Jared and I have always said that we would like to adopt, even when we were just dating. However, we were always thinking about a sweet little infant/toddler, when we pictured doing this. (In fact once Brooklyn was born, we frequently discussed that we would like to fill the large gap between her and Jonah.) So we were sure to let both Chase & Jonah know that though they may someday have another sibling, that their wishes would most likely never be granted, an older child was just never in the cards.
However, when we returned home from St. Jude, I was introduced to a young man who was living with one of my good friends and was extremely impressed with how kind he was to Chase, as well as what a good person he seemed to be. When he was no longer living with these friends of ours, I ran into him again when we were at the movies. When he saw me, he came right over to ask me how Chase was doing. During our conversation, I found out that he was quite unhappy in the new home that he had been placed in. I remember as I walked away feeling badly for him, but knowing their wasn't much that I could, to be honest with you I don't remember thinking much else about it. I just went on and enjoyed the rest of the night. However, when I woke up the next morning, I had this overwhelming feeling that we were supposed to be the ones who would be there to help this child! There are lots of kids that I have felt badly for and would love to have helped in some way, but I had never felt like this. So I was completely taken back by how strongly that I was feeling.
There are only two other times that I had ever felt similar to this. Once, was when I felt sure that I was supposed to marry my Husband. I was only 19 at the time and had no intentions of getting married so young, I remember fighting against those feelings, until they became so persistent that there was no way for me to deny that was exactly what I was supposed to do! At that time, I had to come to realize that my timing and "life plan" were irrelevant when it came to what HIS was for me. Of course as you know, I have since been so incredibly grateful that I listened to that inner voice, that seemed to know what was better for my life, than I did.
The second time I remember feeling this way, came during a time when we were perfectly happy in our lives, with our two beautiful children and it came to me very vividly that we were supposed to have another little girl! (Her name was even given to me and it was one that I had never thought of myself!) Well once again, I pushed against those feelings, because couldn't God see that we were perfectly happy in our lives right then. In fact everyone around us knew that we said all the time that we were "Two and through." So once again our plan for our life was taken in an entirely different direction and after almost a six year gap, we made the brave jump back into all that goes along with babyhood. But thank goodness for those persistent thoughts about our little "Baby (Brooklyn) Alexis," that just wouldn't leave my mind. Because now this beautiful little girl sitting next to me, is a part of our family that we can’t imagine, in any way, being without!
So like I said before, I woke up that morning having those same feelings again. However, this time I was armed with so many compelling arguments, that I was sure that I could use against this… Didn't HE just watch all that we had just been through this last year? Couldn't HE see all that we were still going through and that in many ways we are still living our lives from scan to scan?... That our kids need our undivided attention, after having been apart for so long?... That we are barely able to handle the three that we have and try to hold together all the other aspects of our lives... and all the other many objections that you are saying to yourself right now, when you think of all the reasons that we shouldn’t open our home up to a 12 year old boy! Yet, with each of these arguments strongly expressing their selves, the thought that this is EXACTLY what our family needs to be doing at this time, would not subside-- and only grew stronger! When I finally expressed this to my wonderful husband, who I thought would be the very logical man that he is, and would shut this idea down immediately. He instead said, (with what seemed a complete faith in how we have handled similar past experiences,)—If you are really feeling like this Season, then what you need to do is make a call.
So after two months of jumping through an incredible amount of hoops, and of course grilling my good friend on how it was to have him in her home for the six weeks that he was there-- we finally were allowed a weekend visit to see how things would go for all of us. One of the reasons that the “Father and Son” camp-out this year was one of Jonah’s very favorites, was that this young man was actually able to be with us for both with Jonah and Jared. We all had a wonderful time together, and he seemed to fit very comfortably into our family. In fact, after spending a full weekend with him, I was even more impressed with the type of person that he was, than I was before the visit. He then called us two days later, to tell us how much he was looking forward to being able to come and live with all of us.
Up until this time, we hadn’t let Jonah know anything, except that we were bringing a friend, who had never been able to go to a "Father and Son" before. So after Jonah let me know that having this new friend Josh along, had made this the best camp-out ever and after we were pretty sure that Josh was going to be moving in, I finally let Jonah know. I asked him if he knew what he had been talking a lot about to me lately and he said, “Yes-- That I really want a brother!” I then asked him if he would like it if Josh was the person that might fill that role? He got the hugest smile on his face, threw his arms around my neck and said, “Yes, Yes, Yes! I would like that a lot! I then had to explain that though we have let them know that we are in this for the long-haul, this most likely is just temporary-- so he needed to make sure to enjoy this while it lasts. Chase also let me know that she thought that it was going to be great… and when I asked Brooklyn if she liked having Josh here, she even said, “Yes, Josh is nice. Josh live at our house!” Which is when I let her know that he just may.
So if you you happen to run into us and notice an extra member on our crew, hopefully you will understand who he is and why he is with us. As of yesterday, we have become his "Non-Family Caregivers!" Of course, we would be incredibly grateful if you would keep us in your thoughts and even your prayers at this time, as we are now entering another leg of this life journey that we never could have imagined that we would find ourselves on. Please also pray that with all this going on, that it will be smooth sailing and that we will be able to navigate past any treacherous rapids that come with this territory and that our family can enjoy this new adventure without any setbacks when we make our next visit back to St. Jude. (June 16th.)
We are so excited for our first week-long family vacation since Chase was diagnosed, that we will be taking soon. We are so grateful that Chase is doing so well and that we will be able to get to truly enjoy our time together as a family. It is also going to be so wonderful for my kids to have an extra passenger along with us for the ride. It will be so fun to get to experience so many "firsts," with a child that has never left the state of CA. In fact, this experience has already started to help my kids to see their lives through new eyes and to be grateful for the lives that they have always had. Thank you to my parents who gave up their time-share for us so to make possible such a wonderful trip for us at this time. Thank you also for checking in on us. Of course we wish that we could have let more of you know personally all of this, before we told the world. We are so grateful for all of you that have always supported us through all that we are going through, especially at this time!
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2 comments:
Like I said before, that is fabulous news and so exciting for your family! Things have sure happened quickly since we talked. Enjoy your great family vacation in Orlando and give Mickey a big hug from us...we hope to see him soon at Disneyland (if Brent keeps up his good work). We can't wait to meet Josh. Make sure he knows what a superhero family he is joining.
Awesome news! I appreciate your faith and will be here cheering you on each step of the way!
Annabel - for all the Henleys
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